I have started to feel weird writing this stuff because many people I respect, and even love now visit.
I cannot stop now though, alas this is the last place where freedom of speech means something. So fuck the RIAA and other companies who pose to threaten this flow of conversation! Anyway I’m not here to rant and vent about internet politics (thats why i live in a geek flat) I’m here to speak my truth :)
So. I woke up this morning plagued by this humiliating stinking thinking. The voices in my head were telling me all sorts of crazy shit (you’re not good enough dan, you suck dan, you’re inadequate dan…) blah de fucking blah. Ok so that wasnt “all” that was going on in my head but but it was there like a constant hum in the background. So I went to the saturday morning meeting (it’s never to late) and shared about this stuff. And it lost some of it weight, volume. And now it’s going, going, and almost gone. A fucking bout of insanity I swear!
Previous crazy solutions to my head have been; take copious amounts of drugs (any type), suicide(never had the guts), sex, get pissed, isolate, disown my family, jump out of a plane, drive at 100k into a wall, dump my girlfriends etc etc…
Current solutions that dont seem so crazy, a little more reasonable perhaps; share at a meeting, talk to people who relate, name the voice and tell it to shut up… Oh yeah and of course prayer/meditation (yes i’m a spiritual new age person practicing yoga)
Yesterday John was talking about the media. Because the nature of most media is evil and shocks us, we must be good natured at a primal level . The paradox (which makes sense) is that if we were evil natured at that same primal level then we’d be shocked when we read headlines like “somebody hugged somebody!” or something as equally fuzzy.
Quote of the day: If you’re feeling like shit and everything is dark, then you need to pull your head out of your ass!
name the voice and tell it to shut up … nearly worked for gollum.
I like that thought about being good natured at a primal level. I have a similar thing that is probably best called the “calmness field”. I’ve gradually cultivated a calmness inside of me that allows me to think clearly in most situations. It’s not like walling out the chaos, but more like holding an energy around me that stills the chaos so that I can see what’s going on and act rather than react.
hehe! the funny thing about what john said: He starts off his point by saying “the nature of most media is evil”.. evil compared to what? compared to our nature. evil is subjective. when we see a suicide bomber report, we think evil, senseless, etc. but what about the supporters of suicide bombing? they think courageous, devoted etc. Are they ‘innately’ evil? or is it just looking at things through life-tinted glasses? I dunno if I’ve explained what i want to say.. but my point is we are not good-natured at a primal level.. we are human-natured. we invented good and evil so it can never be a primal thing.. thats what i reckon anyway. :D!
i do not think a suicide bomber is innately evil, certainly not born evil. i think a suicide bomber has been conditioned to beleive and do certain things. if that same suicide bomber was not taught x then would he have done y?
i dont think we invented good and evil, i think we just invented descriptive words and means to express what we feel…
just like we have been taught to believe and do certain things.. thats all i’m saying. :)
If it weren’t for humans would there be good and evil? Are there evil animals? Are there good animals? (when we humans don’t assign those qualities to them).. were humans good or evil when we were lesser primates? when did we become ‘primally good-natured’?
interesting!
and do good and evil describe the effects of actions? or the actions themselves? is it evil when someone who enjoys killing kills someone who is suicidal and hates life, when both parties would get what they want?
fark i don’t know!
bah the RIAA they have no power in NZ and aussie so who cares about them …. i will never stop my downloading :P
and about the vocies … just hang up on your mother ;)